Trash Talks During Parties and Reunions and How to Curb Them



How often do you attend parties and reunions and meet a friend or relative who would say negative comments onto you? If you hardly ever encounter this type of people, I say, LUCKY YOU, PAL! I don't know if it's just a common culture in both Filipino communities but I have observed that not only do people engage most with gossip during get-togethers but they also take the time to engage in small conversations consisting of trash talking about others in different tiny ways.

Most Recurring Frustrating Comments 

1. “You lost/gained weight!!! What happened?”

These people show that they're shocked to see how you changed since the last time you saw each other. It's as if your body shape and status in life are visually linked. There are only two reasons why this is often said. One is because of envy and another is just to break the ice as they can't think of anything else to say. Aside from the weather, they assume that body figure and fitness topic would always take the limelight.

2. “I love your [insert whatever here].” *Note: With sarcasm

Giving compliments not only spreads good karma and boosts the self-confidence of others, but it also shows observers that your generosity of spirit stems from personal pride. Among the most obvious things to be noticed by peers are the change in hairstyle or cut, dress, shoes, accessories and skin complexion. The problem is that there are people who throw compliments even without true appreciation, and you can hear it in their voice. When this happens, the most normal thing that is expected is to deflect instead of responding with a heartfelt "thanks." Then there's the awkward silence.

3. “I heard you have... Why? You should have...”

Without me having to complete the sentences above, you would have probably guessed by now how they'll end up. These comments can be put sympathetically, empathetically or apathetically. The tone may spell out assurance and convey pride, standing to reason out that you were at fault in doing something they don't think was "more right" or "better" than their "superior" standards.

4. “When are you getting married?”

This is one of the questions mostly asked by elders to singles. The situation gets even more uncomfortable if the person asked is not yet in a relationship, does not want to be married (by personal choice), or is already too hopeless for a marriage. To give more pain to the insult and salt to the injury, you would hear them give out their judgments by stating probable reasons why you have not found an ideal partner in life.

How to Curb Trash Talks

1. Smile

Even if you hear bad things about you, just smile and be aggressive. Don’t fight them with fierceness but feel grateful and serene. Just understand that these people do not have anything else to do in life aside from looking down on others. Let them think that you incredibly love your life as it is now. Consider the powerful message of a real smile and broadcast that confidence in you.

2. Tell Them to Stop

In a straight-forward manner without sugar-coating, you can tell them to stop. Do it politely and they might even feel embarrassed of their gestures and words. You can also excuse yourself from the conversation and go to another crowd. If you don’t see any other friends coming in the same gathering, you can re-route the topic and perhaps tell them about the latest movies you have watched or new findings and health benefits you have researched about the miraculous ashitaba plant, and other more general topics to move the conversation onward and upward.

Wrap Up

Unfortunately, we cannot handle all people and control the way they naturally speak. If they are in favor of indulging in trash talks and say negative things about others, that’s inevitable for their part. But you can curb them by simply smiling and turning conversations to a more positive light. When you recognize these people from afar, try to avoid them at all costs and do not let yourself be associated with them. As the saying goes: “Three kinds of minds exist in this world: small minds just talk about people; medium minds talk about things; but the great minds talk about ideas.”


This is a guest post by Rochkirstin Santos, an IT person by profession, foodie by nature, wushu athlete by training, dancer by heart and writer by passion. If you want to read more of her articles, check her blog at http://rochkirstin.com/ where she shares casual thoughts about life, celebrations, food reviews and other events. Follow Rochkirstin on Twitter (@rochkirstin) to get connected!
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26 comments

  1. i guess this cannot be prevented in gatherings and parties, but the tips you give to skive off those awkward moments would really come handy! :)

  2. Gossips is not a new thing anymore it happens everywhere and not just in a get-together party or reunions. It's sad but it's been going around even ever since, it's even stated in the bible. The best thing to do is just don't mind those people making gossips, ignore them.

  3. i agree, thrash talkers (or haters, as i call them^_^) abound. and since, we can not control what people have to say, the best to do is _ just ignore them and leave a pretty SMILE :)

    i super super enjoyed reading this post.

  4. Nice article Rochkirstin Santos. For those who aren't comfortable with parties or reunion, better skip it or better yet surround yourself with people that you know well.

  5. This is something I need to work on. I have met people who has been so overreacting when they see new things that could make them inferior in some way. Thanks sharing for some of the highlights...like this one! "Three kinds of minds exist in this world: small minds just talk about people; medium minds talk about things; but the great minds talk about ideas.”

  6. I guess, we can never please everybody but it's always to put your enemy at the bottom, he he he

  7. the number 1 is what I hated most that's why I try my best and discipline not to gained weight

  8. Awhile ago I met some people who likes doing some gossip. I just smiled to them, but I think they were insensitive and keep on doing what they love to do. For others, gossip is natural behavior that might complete their day.

  9. great tips, you are right we cant avoid trash talks.. so we should know how to deal this kind of people because they are all over..

  10. I think there are just people who are sensitive and insensitive. Sometimes, the speaker didn't mean the words or questions that they uttered and, yet, the other party got offended. It's important that you give the benefit of the doubt so you won't feel bad.

    We can never control what other people will say about us, but, we can only control how we will perceive the information that they say. Unless, they are really making fun of us, don't make it a big deal.

  11. I agree, this is true, you cannot always please everyone, the pointers are really helpful

  12. Yeah, try to make unpleasant talk at a minimum by courteously cutting the topic.

  13. I can tolerate some annoying comments but ZOMG! The most annoying of all (at least for me LOL)... “When are you getting married?” Like why do they even have to ask that? Is it their way of saying "Hi! I'm married. And you're miserable."? Kajirita, Cristy Fermin levels! haha

  14. well what I do is that I wrap up the talk and leave. I dont wanna be quoted for commenting on some unwanted topic.

  15. As much as possible I avoid these kinds of situations because once you take the bait cooler heads will have a hard time prevailing.

  16. Thanks, Ms Tess, for the opportunity for giving me the chance to write a guest post here. I thank also everyone who has read my article..for appreciating. :)

  17. Wow! Great article Rochkirstin! ヅ
    I always receive the #1 comment since I have gained weight when I started working in a BPO company 6yrs ago but I take it lightly and joke about it! hehehe! ヅ

  18. hahaha! i can no longer count how many times i've been victimized by such trash talks, but through the years, I learned to handle them and to answer in the most polite way. one thing i never do is to allow myself to be provoked, i just can't give them that satisfaction, hehehe!

  19. Well, for me I just ignored theme and walk away from them. hahahah

  20. I don't really go to a lot of parties but whenever I encounter such, I just choose to ignore and enjoy the rest of the night with friends. :)

  21. oh my gush.. this is what i am worried about when i attend a reunion or parties at home. i never attended a reunion before, if i do, im afraid that I might be the center of attention. i hope this will not happen to me.. coz if it does.. i want to disappear. lol. thanks for the tips!

  22. just ignore and never trash talk.. the world we live in is so small that we will eventually meet them again.. so just be polite and kind.. people will remember you for that! :)

  23. It's better to leave theme alone, entertaining them will just make a certain conversation more and more unpleasant to your ears... Just smile and move away to those peoples who are not being nice :-) there's a lot more in the party you could hang on.. Right??!

  24. You don't make fun of them unless you are 110 percent perfect.

    That's all :)

  25. I am organizing a reunion and this post is so timely. We can truly avoid those trash talks if we want. The tips are very helpful.

  26. the "i love your" insert sarcasm, I do get that a lot! hahah kasi halata naman na sarcastic yung compliment kasi sa boses, tapos parang napipilitan yung smile tapos parang you get that vibe from them na "sige na nga i compliment na nga tong suot niya" hahaha.

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